Birthday Present

Mom gave me my 30th birthday present. I was feeling hopeful since for Mother's Day she did pretty well with a spa gift certificate. Maybe she had finally figured me out...

The background should be set for you to fully appreciate my anecdote. My mother is a stereotypical Texan. Big hair. Make up. Sparkles- sequins, jewelry, all of it. I, however, am not. Yes, I talk with a twang, yes I am blonde- I assure you it's natural- but I do not tease my hair, I do not wear make up every day, I don't even own a girdle. This chasm of girliness has created more than a few spats over the years- the reminders to suck in, put on make up, and I'm still suffering PTSD from the In-styler debacle of 2010. I haven't been innocent either, there are jabs about how big can her hair get, is there some immediate danger that requires her to wear that much jewelry, etc. I've tried to push my more subdued style on my mom, she's tried the same, but I always thought this was understood between us. She is froof and fluff, and I am sleek and pencil skirt. I have never been so wrong...

So I open the gift sack and pull out a collection of stationary. Seems harmless. 30 is the paper birthday. Then I reach back in and pull out the companion gift- a note pad with a feathered pen attached. Let me paint the picture so it's clear in your mind. It's a ball point pen, with feathers 3-4 inches long coming out the end. Brown feathers. And beads. The feather circumference is at least another 4 inches. I somehow hide my reaction- I'll let you guess what it is- and look at my mother and say, "A pen?". "Not just a pen, a feathered pen!" Thanks for the clarification mom, I'm less confused now. "I figured that you can take it up to work [that's a great idea] and when you get mad at clients, you can use the pen!"[or I could continue to scream, curse, hit my desk, and complain to my co-workers. That seems to be working for me now] "I was going to send it to Jenn Lee for her to give to you and tell her to make sure you use the pen when you're mad!" I should explain that Jenn Lee is my very good friend at work. Who my mother has met once, though heard many stories about. That makes my mom good enough friends with Jenn to donate a kidney if needed. Which is great for Jenn.

During this little explanation, I still haven't really spoken. If you can't say anything nice and all. Finally, I'm able to ask "So what exactly about me says 'feathers'"? Let's face it, I really do need to know this. Mom's responds, "You like shoes!" Oh. So I should start going barefoot? Or just stop wearing feathers on my shoes.

So now, it's the eve of the anniversary of my birth. I can't wear shoes anymore, but I have a sparkly feather pen that will really make the pain of gravel and turning 30 ebb away. Thanks Mom. But you really should've stopped with my first bday present- you know, life. You were never going to out-do that one. Though spa gift certificates are still appreciated (and a VERY close second).