I Still Don't Understand

Husband and I were having a "discussion". I was trying to get him to tell me his feelings on a certain situation. At some point, he throws out the following winner argument, and if you can understand it, I would appreciate it:

Husband: If I told you what I was really going to do, then you would know what I was going to do, and then I'd be an idiot. So I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do, because otherwise you'll think I'm just telling you what you want to hear.

Me: So, wait, if you tell me something, then you're lying?

Husband: No. You're not listening.

Me: Yes, you said you wouldn't tell me what you were going to do because then I'd know and you'd be an idiot, so you won't tell me what you're really thinking because then I'd know. But then how do I ever know what you're thinking?

Husband: Look, imagine I'm your nemesis. It would be like if I built a machine, told you about it, and told you about the self-destruct button.

(He does get points for the Perry the Platypus/Doofenshmirtz reference)

Me: No, it's like if you told me you were going to build a bridge, and you did, but then you don't want me to know about the bridge.

Husband: No, a bridge with a trap door, it has to be devious. You're not listening.

(He's getting really angry at me at this point, but at least I know what he's feeling)

Seriously people, I have no idea what his argument was. At some point he told me he was mad, but based on the "argument" above, I don't know if that means he's telling me what I want to hear, or if he's psyching me out so I'll fall through a trap door on a bridge. But I do know I will stop asking him to build me a drawbridge into our landscaping design. That just seems like I'm asking for it.

Wild Pigs

Mom: I finally figured out why they trap the wild pigs on all those shows.

Me: (just staring at my mother)

Mom: You know, I've been wondering why they trap them instead of killing them.

Me: I'm sorry, did you say "shows", as in plural?

Mom: Yes. It's okay to hunt them, because they're overpopulated-

Me: No, let's start with these multiple shows you're watching with people hunting wild pigs. Why are there more than one, and please tell me what shows these are.

Mom: You know, hunting shows.

Me: Hunting shows? On what channel?

Mom: The hunting channel.

Me: Why are you watching the hunting channel?

Mom: I don't know.

And that, my dear friends, is how most of my conversations with my mother go. It's like an adventure, you never know where she's going to take you. And in case you need to know, the reason they don't kill them, is because the meat is valuable and they can't store it, so they pin them up and keep them alive until they are ready to slaughter them so the meat won't go bad. Knowledge is power.